The Perfectionism Standstill
Wide eyed and confused, I sat in a Spanish class my freshman year of college, trying to get my below-average participation grade up to at least an average grade. It was one of those classes taught fluently in Spanish, and if you accidentally spoke a different language, you’d be met with the professor’s head cocked to the side and eyebrows furrowed as if to say, “I don’t know what you mean.”
I could ace a test and grind out homework assignments. Those were things I could study, think about, and respond to without publicly humiliating myself. Yet, when it came to conversational Spanish, more often than not, the thought of saying the wrong thing in class stopped me from trying to say anything at all.
After a while, I became extremely frustrated with myself. Not because I didn’t have a better grade but because of why I didn’t have a better grade. You see, I was paralyzed by perfectionism. I didn’t want to speak in class unless I knew what I said would be spoken in flawless Spanish. The logical side of me started to see that this was an illogical mental blocker. You have to fail in order to learn almost any skill. From bike riding lessons with fence collisions that ended in flying down driveways with ease to cake baking tutorials with powdery, uneven confections that morphed into gift-worthy goods, it all takes practice. The common phrase is, “Practice makes perfect.”, not “It’s perfect the first time you practice.”
While we’re adding to our life skills repertoire more as children, we should always be learning and growing. Don’t be afraid to put yourself in the uncomfortable place of being the rookie in the room just for fear of failure.
While we’re adding to our life skills repertoire more as children, we should always be learning and growing. Don’t be afraid to put yourself in the uncomfortable place of being the rookie in the room just for fear of failure.
Entonces, back to Spanish class. To shake the nerves of saying the wrong thing in class and to feel like I was accomplishing something every class, I reframed my goals…
>> Instead of a goal to get an ‘A’ in the class, I changed my goal to learn as much Spanish as I could. I knew the best way to do that was to speak the language, fail, and learn from that failure.
>> Instead of a goal to exit the class as fast as possible for the ease of switching back to my native tongue, I chose to reflect on why I was uncomfortable with speaking the language. It taught me a lot about myself, how I approach situations and motivations behind trying new things.
Slowly, I started to love the process of learning Spanish in college.
>> Instead of a goal to complete my gen ed requirements and move on from Spanish, I chose to double major, adding Spanish as a major. I wanted to pursue something for the love of learning, not just looking at the end goal.
Sure, those who posed the pensive, “Well, if you don’t use it, you’ll lose it.” statement were right. I haven’t kept up with my Spanish, and I can’t carry on a conversation fluently. But, Spanish taught me way more than verb conjugations, vocabulary words, and handy conversational phrases.
No one loves to fail, but being comfortable with the idea that failure is part of the pursuit will increase trust in the process. It’s a process we’ve practiced since we learned to walk, but while our physical muscles grew stronger, in many cases, our mental muscles got weaker.
When you feel like bailing on a new challenge for fear of failure or looking silly, frame your goals differently. The win might not necessarily be a task aced or status achieved. You can get there, but don’t abandon the cart when you miss perfection initially. Take note of the things you’re learning outside of whatever the conventional win is.