When Life Interrupts Our Expectations
My husband and I were on our way to visit family in the mountains when we heard a thump followed by unfamiliar vibration noises from uneven tread on the highway.
Flat tire.
Being the goal-oriented person I am, my first thought was to tally up the time it would take to put on the spare and get a new tire. Then, mentally prepare myself for how late we would be to the family gathering. The rockstar spare tire changer (hint: not me) was quicker than what I estimated, and we were on our way to a service center for a new tire that would make it through winding mountains.
Surprise.
The detour for a new tire took longer than expected, and our trip to the mountains was delayed. Again, my mind immediately started to tally up the time to see how late we would be. I don’t like being late or missing goals, but my knee-jerk reaction to frustration wasn’t a good mental place to be in. My auto-response isn't always to take things as they come when an expectation isn’t met, but I know I need to speak a different tune to my mind.
Relax. These things happen. It will be okay. There’s much to be grateful for.
We can’t control every scenario that will come our way. And, no matter how good of a planner you are, you can’t pre-plan for every “what if” situation. Let it go.
Here’s some things I’ve found helpful to speak to my mind when life doesn’t go according to plan.
Recognize the Disappointment
I believe you can go with the flow AND recognize that a mishap is a disappointment. In fact, naming something a disappointment helps move on. Be truthful. Everything isn’t always okay, and you don’t need to immediately name the silver linings.
In her book, Chasing the Bright Side, Jess Ekstrom puts it this way: “So, even if you don’t know what the silver lining is right now, that doesn’t mean you won’t discover it later. Some silver linings just take longer to develop, so it’s okay to see a moment for what it is at the moment: a really tough situation.”
Name the disappointment, recognize it. Take a deep breath and be truthful about it in your mind, but don’t let disappointment have the last word.
I’m Not in Complete Control. It Will be Okay.
Sometimes it’s a good perspective shift to realize that I’m not in complete control, and even in the things I do have more oversight in, I’m not superwoman. I will make mistakes. I wouldn’t be challenging myself enough or experience life to the fullest if I wasn’t making mistakes.
I also try to think of a previous time in my life when something went wrong but ended up working itself out. These reminders give me some confidence that I’ve gotten through a challenge before, and I can get through the present challenge.
Deep breath. It will be okay.
Name Things to Be Grateful For
In life detours, finding things to be grateful for helps shift our perspective away from unhealthy ruminating. Plus, sometimes a detour has beautiful outcomes. You might:
Learn something new about yourself or your loved ones
Meet a new friend
Realize what really matters to you in life
Grow stronger in your character
See a new place
Be able to pass on life wisdom to others
Use a personal negative experience to bring an injustice to light
This isn’t to say that all negative things in life are to be celebrated. Again, name something what it is. If it’s an injustice or sadness, name it and grieve it.
But, for the flat-tire-level situations, you can take the challenge to name things you’re grateful for.
Flat tires happen, quite literally and metaphorically. When “flat-tire-situations” happen in your life, recognize the disappointment, realize you’re not in complete control and that’s okay, and name some things to be grateful for if the situation allows.
Oh, and we got to our mountain destination safely. Sure, I was disappointed that we didn’t get there in the time expected, but I still got to visit with family, make a memory with my husband, and enjoy the beautiful scenery along the way.