Making Goals Without Being Controlled by Them

When I come home from a trip, I’m notorious for immediately unpacking my bags. There’s a reason my family gifts me mugs and stickers with the phrase “Get it Done.” I grind. Give me a goal, and my instinct is to exceed expectations. Don’t give me a goal, and I’ll flounder until I map out my own goals and start on the path to achieve them. 

Driven, achiever, bent toward success, to-do list accomplisher… If these are the types of words and phrases you connect with, you probably love the feeling of accomplishment as well. For the goal-oriented person, sometimes the natural bent toward success and to-do list tackling isn’t always a good quality. If taken too far, it can hold you back. 

Say you’re a copywriter and have a goal to complete 15% more copy projects than what’s expected of you each month. You zero in and crank out the copy, but you pass up on some monthly trainings and walks around the neighborhood to get it done. You’ve reached one goal but passed up on developing other skills and taking care of your body and mind. Goals aren’t just job-related though. For the high achiever, they can bleed into every area of life. If you want to arrive at a party five minutes early but rushing your family out the door causes you to be rude to them, you might reach your goal of arriving on time but damage some critical relationships in the process. 

We need goals in our lives to identify areas of growth and keep us accountable to better ourselves. However, when a goal consumes us, it’s time to find balance. 

Allow Yourself Room to Change Your Goals.

I used to want to will myself into becoming a good runner. Goals like, “run a 5k without stopping” or “complete a 10k this year” were written in my journal. I was a miserable runner. It’s zero fun for me. Then, I picked up a tennis racquet and started exercising with a group fitness class. I love tennis and group fitness! The larger goal is to exercise and be healthy. If running isn’t how I get there, that’s okay. I found something that does get me there. 

Like this fitness scenario, you have to allow yourself the opportunity to learn new things about yourself and alter your goals accordingly. If you zero in on one thing too much, you can miss out on opportunities that are a better fit for you and that you can challenge yourself to grow in. 

Now, this doesn’t mean be a wishy washy person. Don’t be a wimp. Think of the larger goal, like in this example, “Be healthy.” There are multiple ways to get there in your diet and exercise. Find the best mini goals for you and don’t be discouraged if you alter your mini goals for the sake of achieving the larger goal of being healthy.

Realize You’re Human.

Sometimes life happens, and we don’t achieve our goals at the time we outlined or maybe we don’t achieve them at all because of life circumstances. Give yourself some breathing room. You’re human. 

Again, we need goals to keep us accountable and motivated. However, not reaching a goal doesn’t necessarily mean you didn’t put in the work. Ask yourself if you worked hard and write down the achievements you made through striving to reach the goal. This could be the win. Sometimes the progress we make isn’t the outcome expected but is still significant. 

And, if unforeseen events prove to be hurdles in reaching your goals, it’s good to rest, reflect, and either use the hurdles as fuel to reach those goals or as development opportunities to craft new, better goals. In this route, you’re not giving up, just refocusing. It’s like a pitstop in a race. We all need to refuel and maybe alter our gameplan. 

Stick to Your Values Over Your Goals When the Two are in Conflict.

It’s possible that meeting a goal can come at the expense of something else really important. In the example of wanting to arrive early to a party, achieving the goal came at the expense of being rude to family members and harming those relationships. 

Identify your values in life. In the moments when a goal is in conflict with a value, choose to stick to your values. You’ll be better in the long run. 

A friend of mine who values integrity and is also a high-achieving college student told me of a time when a professor accidentally made it easy to cheat on a final. She chose not to cheat and earned a ‘C’ later to find out that most of her classmates cheated and came out with ‘A’s. Her goal was to get an ‘A’ in the class, but the easy route to that goal came at the expense of her values. She stuck to valuing integrity, not compromising for the achievement of a goal. After all, there are more classes to take and goals to earn top grades. Don’t compromise your values for a quick win.