Copying Won’t Cut It: Contentment in Aspirations
As a child, during the Olympics, I would look up to the athletes and imagine what it would be like to be the best in the world at an event. I grew up playing basketball, but when Michael Phelps was competing, I’d jump into our family swimming pool and imagine I was a competitive swimmer. Soon after the closing ceremonies, it was back to basketball, butterfly stroke forgotten. My focus switched because of a temporary situation and people.
Of course, enjoying the Olympics as a child and imagining were positive things! But, if we’re not careful, I think we can become just as easily distracted by others’ aspirations as adults. Sure, we’re not imagining to be Olympic athletes, but maybe it looks more like feeling pressured to get married by a certain age, not because you’re unhappy, but because your friends are. Or, maybe, you’re really fulfilled in your job, but your coworker fueled by climbing the corporate ladder makes you feel like you should be chasing the same thing.
If you’re driven, it can be easy to see something or someone “better” and want to have that something “better” too. Let people and life events sharpen you, not distract you.
Someone else’s “better” doesn’t have to be your “better.” For example, moving to another neighborhood might be just what another person needs to thrive but maybe your “better” is staying in the same neighborhood and challenging yourself to be a community-building neighbor. Or, maybe someone else’s “better” is early retirement, but your “better” is mentoring young professionals before you officially retire. Someone else’s good thing doesn’t have to be your good thing and vice versa.
Ask yourself:
Am I doing X activity because it’s the right thing for me and the people in my life or because I want to be like someone else?
Am I doing X activity because it’s the right thing for me and the people in my life or because I want to be better than someone else?
Am I doing X activity because it’s the right thing for me and the people in my life or because I want to put someone else down?
Time is a valuable resource. It’s good to try new things, but make sure your motives are pure. Chase your dreams, not someone else’s!
Here are a few tips to help you stay focused:
Craft a life vision. Identify your life vision and pin your goals and tasks to that. Learn more about that process here.
Engage in activities that remind you of the joy underlying the skills you pursue. There’s always parts of a job, lifestyle, or even hobby that you might not enjoy. If you’re feeling unfocused, identify your favorite aspects and engage in those activities to see if that experience can draw you back to your aspirations with renewed determination.
Have people in your life who know you well and will provide wise counsel. This is tremendously valuable when thinking through life decisions. Cultivate those relationships throughout all phases of life!
It’s completely fine to learn new things about yourself and make new goals, but be sure any change is because it’s what’s best for you and the life you’re building, not because it seems like the latest, coolest option.
Someone else’s dream doesn’t have to be yours. Pursue excellence and live with contentment.