The Busyness Game
Have you ever been in a conversation that goes like this?:
Busier Person: How are you?
Busy Person: I’m good, just busy.
Busier Person: Oh, yeah, me too. What’s going on with you?
Busy Person: *Lists laundry list of activities
Busier Person: *Feels need to top the other person and provides their even longer list of activities.
Why do we do this? Why do we feel the need to make ourselves sound impressive by equating success to busyness?
There are seasons of life when life will be crazy busy, and we just have to roll up our sleeves and get to work. But, if being crazy busy is a consistent norm because you feel like you have to maintain it to feel or sound impressive, that’s not something to be proud of. It’s time to assess what should stay and what should go and then rest in contentment.
Active with Purpose vs. Ego Boosting Busyness
There’s a difference between being active doing things you were meant to do and being busy to fuel your ego. Not every good thing is meant for one person, and that’s okay. This is where the importance of crafting a life vision comes in and determining who you want to be, not just what you want to do.
When you write a life vision statement, you can make goals based on that vision and stay active doing those purposeful things. This is different than being a yes man or woman and simply being productive for the sake of enjoying never ending to-do lists. Be purposeful in what you say “yes” to.
Don’t Take the Bait in the Busyness Conversation.
Most people aren’t intentionally trying to make you feel bad when they list out their activities, but I’ve found it helpful to turn on the internal dialogue when I feel the need to counter with a longer list of activities. Remind yourself of statements such as:
Being busy isn’t a competition.
There are ways I can be purposeful in my activities. If I’m doing that, I can rest easy and not feel the pressure to take on more.
Not every good thing is for every person. I don’t need to be a baker, musician, executive, cultured reader, athlete, etc. In fact, I can’t do all those things and do them well. I’ve chosen to work hard at a few things, and that’s enough.
It’s not healthy for me to be perpetually busy. Rest is a healthy thing, and if I am overloaded with activities, I won’t have the margin for rest.
Now, you don’t need to tell the person you're in conversation with all these statements. Don’t be rude and regret it. These are some statements you can say to yourself for internal dialogue so you don’t get in a one-upping conversation cycle.
Be Aware When Your Friends Need You on Their Team.
Sometimes when our friends list all their activities, they need us to step in and help. Like I said, there are seasons of life that are just extra busy. Be sensitive to that and be a supportive friend. Drill deeper into what’s going on in someone else’s life instead of feeling the need to one-up them with how busy you are.
The conversation above could have gone way differently if it went like this, for example:
Friend A: How are You?
Friend B: I’m good, just busy.
Friend A: Oh, yeah? Tell me about that. Is there anything you need help with, even if it’s just to listen?
Unlike the first dialogue, the person who asked the original question kept the focus on the receiver instead of turning it back on themselves. Being busy shouldn’t be a competition. We should be there for our friends when they need us.
Busyness isn’t a game. If you’re treating it like a competition, it’s time to take a step back and think through why you’re doing what you’re doing. Is it a particular season of life or a constant need to feel like you’re important if your to-do list is long? Be purposeful, not just busy. Here’s a great step one if you feel like this is you: Crafting a Life Vision for the Driven Human.